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Haix…I have been looking out for jobs nowadays from the internet and the newspaper. It is hard to find a suitable job for me. Don’t know whether it is my low self esteem or other reasons that influence my decision. For the admin stuff, when I see that it involves accepting calls from clients, I know that I can’t possibly do. For me to go into manufacturing and logistics industry but getting the diploma is not enough plus I don’t have any experience. Actually my dream job is either do business or to be an accountant, but I guess that I cannot fulfill that dream for now because I don’t have any diploma for business and accounting. Probably, I will study the accounting course in future. For the moment, I only just want to earn money first. To me, graduate means that I must go out to work and earn money. I guess I have not really prepared for the coming challenges that I will be facing in future. There are two things I must do first. First, speak confidently. Second, learn as much things as I can. Third, don't care what others think about me. Many people have probably come to me and persuade me to try to talk often. They will tell me that try not to care about what others are thinking of you, importantly, is what I am thinking of myself. But you guys never know that actually I tried many times already, trying to remind myself to be confident, but it always failed. It is easier to say that having to do it. Like for myself, i often look at the mirror and say that I can do it, but it is of no use. For example, when I tell the staff that I want to buy mrt concession, he will always take a longer time to understand or sometimes he will ask me to write in a paper. At that moment, I often feel that I am so useless and will be sad. To others, it may seem simple for them. But to me, even a simple task like that is like so difficult to achieve. Take another example, my cousin or friends will always ask me why I always eat bread for lunch or when I am going out with them. It is not that I want to eat bread for all times, I also hated eating bread and wanted to eat something nice, it is because whenever I carry the food or noodles, my hands will shake a lot and sometimes, the food might drop to the floor. I try to be calm, but I cannot control my hand movements. i don't want to disgrace my family and friends in front of so many strangers. My mother always jokes that if I continue to be like this, next time, if I got girlfriend, she will surely run away. Haha…I also think so. That's all... Hope to find job soon. |
